Weeks 2-4

Weeks 2, 3, and 4 have come by and shown your historian that he needs to do a better job of keeping up on this (DO BETTER!!!). We are at the halfway point in our schedule, and it's proving to be another great season of CA Vertigo kickball! I've seen people make new friends and secret enemies, earn nicknames they may or may not like, and more hook-ups and bone-downs than the backseat of Tiger Woods' Buick.

We've also seen people do some serious drinking around the flip-cup table this season, and with that, I present to you the CA Vertigo Scale of Drunkeness:

0 - Anyone on the Pitches (participate!)
1 - Still slightly drunk from the night before
2 - Time to order some chicken wings or Irish nachos to prepare the stomach
3 - When people ask who bought a pitcher, you don't say anything
4 - Flip-cup gets better because the shakes are gone
5 - SCHAUGHTZ!
6 - You voluntarily buy a pitcher (you rule!)
7 - Beer goggles
8 - Nikhil drunk
9 - Reservation drunk
10 - The antithesis of Dinday'd (see Fun Fact below)

So find your comfort spot somewhere on that list and aspire to go 2 levels past it. And remember, no matter how drunk you may get, the soccer hooligans at Martin Mack's are always a little drunker than you are.

Vertigo Fun Fact™: The term "Let's get Dinday'd!" means "to behave like an civil and upstanding member of the kickball community who drinks, at most, in moderation". So remember, next time you see someone acting like a charming gentleman around the flip-cup table, tell them "Way to get Dinday'd, kind sir".

Predictions for this Sunday
1. The staff at Martin Mack's will join in on flip-cup one more time before the season is over
2. Someone will go all Bill Murray from Caddyshack and wage a war against the gophers on the field
3. The management will stop giving Jenny Sweinberg plastic cups (although I hope not!)


Sleazy
Week 3
Having just returned from a 4 day Vegas bender the previous night, Sleazy showed up with the shakes and a mild case of the DT's to take on Fried Kickin'. Still intoxicated from Vegas vibes, we developed super drunk powers which allowed our offense/lack of Fried Kickin' defense to score something like 10 runs, but our hangovers and shakes caused us to make more errors than Brian Francis on a first date, so we ended up tying. But then we did what Sleazy does best, drank way too much, and added another victory notch to our flip-cup belt.

Week 4
Sleazy arrived to the moors of Scotland/the field Sunday morning to take on the Ninjas and to our surprise Fried Kickin'. Playing with a ball that was wetter than that sexual euphemism I previously made in regards to your mother, Sleazy and the Ninja's got dirtier then 2 girls 1 cup. But even with the strategic line-up devised by Jenny Choi-Baker, the Ninjas beat us. However, we dominated again on the tables building a monument of used cups representing the victories and broken hearts that Sleazy causes in the bar. While this was going on Daniel "grandma's boy" Patten was out on the hunt looking to bring down his batting average of 72 years old. Next week sleazy will dominate against who ever steps up to play.

Fried Kickin'
Week 2
Oh, gentle Stepdads, how you love yourselves some KFC. No doubt about that last Sunday as you skipped church like you do every week (always with the same excuses of going to the game or sitting on the couch to dig out that bellybutton lint), and dragged your red-headed step-children along to live out your failed childhood dreams through them. Luckily for Fried Kickin’ we have our own ginger enforcement, but we encourage these kiddies to play by offering amazing purple uniforms and fun-flippin M&M madness rather than threatening them with belts and beatings after too many beers. It’s ok that you won’t acknowledge the flicker of fear that you felt when we put the first run against you this season with our too-hot-to-trot Kickin’ skillz. That hubris of yours is hard to hurt. But we gratefully and gracefully accepted the lessons you forced us to learn last Sunday and won’t forget them when we see you again a month from now. You’ll show up as always, ready to dive into that bucket of breaded breasts, but this time you might just choke on some chicken bones.

Stepdads
Week 3
Last Sunday, the Stepdads faced a depleted, yet very determined, Ninjas team. They played with a lot of heart, led by their pitcher. The Stepdads drew upon their seasons of experience to pull out to an early lead and maintain it for the rest of the game with the Ninjas showing their best efforts late in the game. Overall it was a good game with many strong plays. There are many accolades that can be given out to various Stepdads players so far in what is shaping up to be our third undefeated season in a row. Doug, Johnny and Brittany have shown up in good form. Jen has seen tangible benefits to her offseason training. And we have many new players that have contributed greatly – looking at you Browntown, Heather, Hailey, Craig, Lauren, and Kelly. The Stepdads are looking to continue their dominant and cohesive play throughout the season.

Drunken Irish Pirate Ninjas
Before I begin joking on Team Green of week 2, I'd like to nominate an honorable mention from another team. Known for his red shorts, red socks and kickball skills, Hanley of the Stepdads had a spectacular slide into home. Anyone who saw it would agree. Despite sliding a foot short and being called out, you gave it all you had and almost broke an ankle. Did you make it to work on Monday?

Week 2 kickball vs. the Pitches turned out to be a great game with an eclectic mix of 80's rockstar, 80's prom and Jesse's awesome cat t-shirt from his 80's childhood (count it). From the start, SF DIPN came out of the gates firing on all cylinders and put a few points on the board. Not bad considering 3 Ninjas had big balloons tied to their wrists... and a few others were wearing skirts. Final score: 8-2, Ninjas.

Here are a few noteworthy plays:
1. Celebrity guest Slash, and his incredible transition from air-guitar to deep-left-field-catch-for-an-out, ending the inning.
2. Bzura's orange tights AND her mom.
3. Our ace pitcher, Nihkil throwing heaters directly at the other team's kicker. Calm down my friend, calm down.
4. "He was all up in her junk!"
5. Rosa.
6. What adult walks through the playground with a popped collar, sunglasses, and a balloon tied to his wrist? That would be Stephen. Next time... bring candy and good intentions.

Flip cup was fun as always. There's nothing quite like the smell of coors light on the floor mixed with hot and sweaty kick ballers. Pitches, you have a raincheck.

Week 3
Hanley was super intense. He didn't throw a clipboard but he tried to discount Nikhil's awesome 3 base run because he didn't touch 2nd base which was strategically placed in a crater in the field. The ref called it good which enraged Hanley; I'm sure if he had a clipboard, it would've been thrown. And they were up by 9 runs at that point so it was a little bit of a nonsensical tantrum. He also kept grumbling every time his wild pitches were called balls. A bubbling cauldron of discontent indeed.

Overall, I think the DIPN did well against the Stepdads, considering we only had 9 players. Our first inning was a bit of a bloodbath, but we regrouped and fought well the rest of the innings. And we scored a point! We secretly pretended like we won, which was evident by our end of the game chant, "Not a shutout Stepdads!"

A brief mention of the finest moments: Jason's awesome catches and overall good-gameliness; Chelsea and Miranda’s sweet outfield catches; Daniel’s (Gary’s) unique yet successful catcher kick to first base; Daniel’s (Gary’s) total flop catcher kick to far right field.

Oh yeah, I think the final score was 10 - 1...so the mercy rule did not apply! (We looked it up during the fourth inning on someone's iPhone, just to be sure).

Week 1

"The start of another season of CA Vertigo kickball always kind of reminds me of the start of a new school year at Hogwarts."
-Marcus from Morningwood

Welcome back everyone! Week 1 is in the books, and we couldn't have had a more gorgeous day to kick-off (get it?) the new season of CA Vertigo kickball! From beginning to end all I saw was smiles and laughs from everyone, so here's looking forward to another great season.

Anyway, let's take a moment crack an egg of knowledge over the heads of new players and remind the veterans of the DO'S and DON'TS of kickball...

DO: Show up on time to games.
Rolling in late ain't cool homeslice, if your team doesn't have its whole posse by 15 minutes after the official game time you all forfeit.
DON'T: Forget to wake me up before you go, go...
Let your Captains know ahead of time if you're gonna be MIA or showing up late. At least that way they can figure out how to manage the team that will be on the field that weekend.
DO: Drink before or after the games.
Because why would you want to waste a perfectly good Sunday being sober!?
DON'T: Drink during the game!
Seriously...we like this field and want to continue playing on it
DO: Come out for our Bar Crawls, Parties, and Happy Hours!
Keep your eyes peeled for some awesome social opportunities coming your way this season (care of our social chairs, AlphaBar, and awesome people in general)! Its gonna be off the heezy!
DON'T: Avoid temptations and debauchery.
Friends don't let friends play kindergarten games sober - at least hit up the sponsor bar for a drink.
DO: Say completely un-PC things at unconsciously, inappropriate volumes near and surrounded by kids in the park.
It's their parents’ fault for bringing them to GG Park on a Sunday. Now Timmy can get a leg up on his peers, at least when it comes to Sex Ed.
DON'T: Take things so seriously!
Life’s one crazy, mixed-up bag of tricks, relax, have fun and indulge in stupidity from time to time!
DO: Play flip cup at our super-awesome sponsor bar, Martin Macks!
What better way to bond with your fellow Vertigo players than by trading insults and beating 'em in flip cup (and kickball)
DON'T: Skip out on post-kickball shenanigans.
4 out of 5 doctors agree 90% of the time people have twice the fun when they lower their inhibitions (i.e. drink). You booze, YOU WIN! And the bonus is you don't even have to drink to have a good time at the bar. So join in on the fun, that's my prescription/addiction!
DO: Ridiculously awesome to slightly inappropriate things that get caught on camera.
TMZ's in the house y'all. That's right we got our own brand of paparazzi, and each week we wanna catch you at your best! So don't be shy, let your hair down and have fun. You might even get featured in the blog and reach all-star status for the whole season!
DON'T: Bail on some of the biggest events of the year!
Seriously, who does that!? What are you, anti-fun!?
DO: Read, submit to and comment on the blogs!
I do this for you people! You complete me. You... Complete ME! SHOW ME THE MONEY!
DON'T: Get offended!
From time to time I will poke fun at other teams, at their expense. This is only to either motivate them to NOT forfeit their games and to prevent them from getting inflated egos. There is no pro-kickball league after all.
DO: Take public transit, or avoid driving.
There's no greater buzz kill then hunting for a parking space all day long. If you do drive, get to GG Park early, cause spots are almost non-existent near the field. Your best bet is to bus, tram, trolley, bike, beg, barter or crawl to the field.
DON'T: Drink and drive!
Someone will and can drive you home, get you a cab, or let you sleep on their floor. Do yourself a favor, avoid endangering yourself and others! I'm effing serious!
DO: Shower me with gifts!
Because bribery pays people! You want your name in lights, and I want free food... Make me an offer.
DON'T: Expect me to come to your every beck and call.
There's only one of me to go around ladies... I will try to help you out with stuff whenever I can though.
DO: Show some love to our league rep and volunteers!
These are the people that make it happen
DON'T: Argue with the refs!
We've got some rocking referees and umpires this season. Whatever they see and say on the field goes amigos! RESPECT THEIR AUTHORITEEEEHH!
DO: Attempt to reach all-star status this season!
This can happen on the field or at the bar...or preferably both
DON'T: Take yourself or the game too seriously!
Okay I sort of mention this twice, its because its pretty important (not as important as getting home in one piece however)... Nonetheless if you act like a jackass nobody will like you. So have fun, get some smack talk in there, but keep your cool!

So that's about it people, it's really hard to screw up at kickball...just make sure you show up to the games and try your best not to be a dick.

Predictions for this Sunday

1. There will be more gopher holes than grass on field 1
2. The back room at Martin Mack's will be so well air-conditioned there'll be more erect nipples than at a Justin Bieber concert
3. Fried Kickin' will start adapting to the usual kickball lifestyle of passing out drunk at 7pm on a Sunday night
4. Doug of Morningwood will eagerly wait for another opportunity to go against 12 people in flip-cup

Anyway, onto the recaps. Thank your captain for sending these in...and players, if you don't see a recap for your team here I would ask them nicely to write one for next week, and if they fail again, I feel mutiny may be your only option.

Morningwood
Game 1 vs Stepdads
Well things got off to a bumpy start this season. With a heavily new roster there was bound to be a learning curve. All-around superstar Kenny led off the game with a hit and got to third but that was the extent of the offense Morningwood could muster. Defensively things looked better as the game remained scoreless going into the 4th inning. Unfortunately that was when the Stepdads got on the board and it proved to be enough as they cruised to victory. Apparently that victory wasn't motivation enough though as they refused to take part in the flipcup challenge and instead forfeited.

Game 2 vs Ninjas
This one got off to a much better start as some more speedy base running by Kenny and a timely sacrifice by Paula got Morningwood off to a 1-0 lead and eventually built a 4-1 lead. Unfortunately the 5th inning proved to be a bit of trouble and the Ninjas fought back to earn the tie. This was followed by the cowardly move of issuing the flip cup challenge before Morningwood's captain even made it to the bar. Vengeance will be had for this!

Fried Kickin'
The team of first-years, Fried Kickin’, put some spit in the grease fire to shake-and-bake things up a bit in their season-opener against the Ninjas. True, the score was 6-1 Ninjas, but with bases loaded more than once and a double- (we’ll call it what it really was: an ALMOST triple-!!) play, these baby chicks were h-o-t HOT and anything but yellow! FK showed some promising flip skills at M&M’s too and were generous enough to team hop when players were needed elsewhere. You’re welcome. Being captained by veteran kick-baller and Waka rep Allie D., Fried Kickin’ won’t take long to get in the groove. So be prepared if we are to face each other again, Ninjas…Fried Kickin’ will be ready to make some Kung Fu chicken!

Sleazy
Sleazy returned this season with a roster packed with seasoned veterans and thick-skinned ladies (metaphorically, their actual skin is quite soft and well moisturized). After a month or two of off-season strategy planning forged at the many Sleazy pub crawls, we were able to pull off our first legitimate win in a very long time. Could it be a fluke? Maybe. Could it be the rebirth of a dynasty? We certainly hope so. Either way, Sleazy scored a run in the first inning and held down the Pitches, never giving them a chance to make it around the diamond far enough to utilize the advice/screaming of their third-base coach. After the game, Sleazy walked with a skip in their step over to Martin Mack's, where we celebrated the victory by systematically decimating every opponent on the flip-cup table, not stopping the rampage until 9pm when decided to leave some of the booze at Martin Mack's and the Golden Cane for other patrons to drink. It ain't easy being sleazy, but it's damn fun!

The countdown begins

One more month...

...and we have a winner

Congrats to the White Russians!

Week 8

Dibs!


Week 8 has come by and left such psycho-sexual damage to the captains that none of them sent recaps in...I picture them sitting on the floor of their showers, crying and repeatedly washing themselves.

This marks the end of the official season, we will be having our tournament this weekend. Good luck to all the teams!

Predictions for this Sunday

1. All of the Sleazy girls who signed up will decide to show up for tournament game and wonder where all the males from the team are
2. The wonderful waitstaff at Martin Mack's will breathe a sigh of relief as they realize this is the last Sunday that will require them to circle around a bunch of drunk kickballers trying to find who ordered the Irish nachos
3. A random girl will show up, forget she weighs 95lbs, and proceed to play flip-cup to the point of alcohol poisoning
4. Crack cocaine will be available for sale...look for the blonde in the back corner

So, to my fellow Vertigoers who are reading this, please encourage your captains to send in a final post after the tournament...it will be their last chance for highlighting wins, failures, alcohol related incidents, and whatever shenanigans you may have gotten into this season.

See you guys Sunday!

Week 7

Week 7 has given you $400 and dropped you off at Planned Parenthood, and in case no one was aware of it, Doug of Morningwood has his flip-cup shit together...



Now this is the kind of stuff that happens only once a season, so make sure you come out to the bar after the games to watch this sort of mayhem ensue...and hopefully be a part of it.

Vertigo FunFact™: After this weekend, a recycler in Lake Tahoe is 306 beer cans richer

This season is winding down quickly, next week is the last of the season games followed by the tournament the next week. Everyone make sure to show up so you can hold friendships/grudges throughout the summer until we pick back up again in the fall.

Predictions for this Sunday

1. Superdave will find the iPad fairy left his under his pillow
2. Someone may die playing king of the hill, and a plaque will be dedicated to them at Martin Mack's
3. There will be a debate over the difference between hooking up/boning down

Anyway, onto the recaps. Thank your captain for sending these in...did you know that captains who send these in will be ascended into heaven on a diamond-studded chocolate chariot with Jesus after the rapture?

Morningwood
Morning Wood stood at half mast this weekend with only half the team ready to play. Will scored our only run against Where My Pitches At?’s 2 runs. It was one of our best games in the field with Ron making several key catches and Dave stepping up as pitcher. Morning Wood began to shine on the flip cup table at Martin Macks. The flip cup started with a mix match of Morning Wood versus Sleazy but quickly turned into team survivor flip cup. In the end Doug was the last one standing versus 7 Sleazy’s. The pressure was on but Doug had his shit together and won the round. In 2 weeks Morning Wood will be ready for the second double header of the season and redemption on the flip cup table.

Sleazy
Say it with me gang - DE-FAULT! DE-FAULT! Sleazy won its first game of the season thanks to the White Russian's lack of punctuality. We played anyway, and also happened to score more points than all previous games combined. Maybe it was the lack of stage fright, maybe it was the tribal noises coming from the drum circle (ok, it for sure wasn't that). After the game we headed to the bar for what we feel was the best flip-cup day this season, and blurred the team lines to form SleazyWood and go through more beer than an Irish wake.

Pajama Party/Week 6

Well, week 6 has gone to the store for cigarettes and isn't coming back. Prior to the Sunday fun, Vertigo had its mid-season party at Ireland's 32. If you weren't there you truly missed out! Here are just a couple things that went down...

• Mating dances fueled by drink specials
• Confused old men wandering upstairs wondering why everyone was in flannel pants
• A public-access version of Pants-Off-Dance-Off
• People strongly urging some of the previously mentioned people to put them back on
• The opportunity to see many Vertigoers give their best Elaine Benes impression after having a couple shots of Harlem...whatever the hell that stuff was

In my illustrious 1.5 seasons of playing kickball, this was the best party thrown yet. Everyone should make sure to thank Hanley, Allie, and Jen for setting this up!

Reminder to everyone - we will not be having games this week because of Bay 2 Breakers...for obvious reasons. Most of us will be blacked out drunk by the time the games would start anyway, right? I hope so.

Vertigo FunFact™: Did you know that buzz-killing doctors define binge drinking as 5 drinks for a guy, 4 drinks for a gal? In kickball we call that a warm up.

Predictions for the next two Sundays

1. Someone will forget games are postponed this week, and show up to the field painted in gold wearing a matching speedo, cross-eyed drunk and ready to play
2. Some asshole will forget that this is not a full contact sport
3. Paula of Morningwood will be given the nickname St. Paula Girl, and will find a way to bring even more beer up to the tables
4. Your historian will hear another drunken Irish guy cockily ask someone on the street "Do you speak English?!". Drunken Irish guy: Do you know what irony means (video)?
5. Jenny Choi of Sleazy will burp so loud it will register on seismographs as far as Modesto, and the news will report the epicenter being Martin Mack's

Anyway, onto the recaps. Thank your captain for sending these in...and if your captain failed to do so ask them why they think they are better than everyone else.

Russians
What can I say, my team loves their moms so a lot of my main players were out of town--but I think we played pretty well considering! We were in the field last playing for a tie at 2-2. There were 2 outs, bottom of the 5th, and we were about to close the deal for a TIE. Ugh. Then the Turtles went and scored on a really dumb error. Oh well--we'll bounce back. Oh, and I pwn'd Will at flip-cup--a few times. Flip-off woulda gone my way had people not been up in mah face.

Sleazy
In honor of our mothers, Sleazy started out the day like champs with some Mimosa Brunch, after drinking the place dry, we got into cabs and headed to the field ready to play.

The Game was a close one, every time it looked like someone was about to score. There would be an out. The fifth inning ended at with a score of Zero to Zero, but as the pink team was not there to start their game, we decided to keep playing. Then due to some impressive base running on the Kicktators part, they scored their first and only run, and then walked off the field. The sad thing is they didn’t give us a chance to destroy them at flip cup. But never the less sleazy showed the bar what drinking really is before stumbling to get some Escape from NY pizza.

Ninjas
The SF Ninjas turned out in their finest nighttime apparel for some fun and merriment at this year's mid-season party. Us SF Ninjas really do call attention to ourselves everywhere we go... sometimes it is because we are grown men in Furby suits and sometimes its because we drink a little too much, dance a little too hard, and party like you've blacked out at the mid-season party. Nevertheless, we always have fun and that is what kickball is all about.

Well, now that I am back to being the responsible yuppy I am, and sitting in an office that smells of rich mahogany I will compose a respectable recap that highlights the true tenacity of the SF Ninjas and the admirable sportsmanship of our fine competitors. Or I can talk about what really happened. I choose the latter.

So bitches, the SF Ninjas had a rough day. Captain E's new rule is no more Pajama Jams before game days, ever. We just couldn't get a win on Sunday, totally not in line with respectable Ninja form. Maybe it is because we missed the Scarlett Mendez and the silky smooth shoulders of Spaghetti Straps or possibly we needed the magic and mystique of Liz's fanny pack, but all in all we just couldn't get it together. The SF Ninjas had 99 problems, here are a few standouts: countless outfield collisions, stunningly terrible outfield performances by the Little Girl Bear that Couldn't, bobbles in the infield, overzealous base running, and a ripped Furby suit. On the bright side, at least we still have a mathlete on our side for any Kickball issues relating to numbers and counting. You know like determining what inning we are in (cough, cough... Big Blue).

So yes Ninjas, let's just forget this weekend happened and plan on regaining our Ninja strength and annihilating Sleazy Bandeezy on June 6th! Good luck to you Sleazy, the SF Ninjas are now prime for a comeback and are going to pull out all our tricks and possibly a Ninja star or two for our last regular season victory!

Stepdads
Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Luckily the Stepdads mix Muscle Milk in with their Old English so no crown is too heavy for us. And we get the added benefit of some extra roid-rage. The Stepdads made it through Sunday’s double header with our perfect season intact despite some sluggish defensive play on our part. Luckily we have Alex Catani’s foot in our lineup. He busted it open in our first game, against the Pitches, by crushing a home run right when we needed it. Needless to say he moved up in lineup for our second game, against Morningwood. Apparently Morningwood forgot to take their Viagra/Cialis cocktail that morning since they showed up looking kind of flaccid. The Stepdads’ defense was still not as sharp as normal, but with some loaded offense and some errors made on the part of a team whose best days are behind them, the Stepdads prevailed yet again. Then we went home and celebrated Mother's Day with our spouses and stepchildren, by telling them twice, if you know what I mean.

Week 5

Week 5 has come by, had its way with us, and isn't calling us back. Don't forget that the Pajama Party is this Saturday night. If you still need the details and/or haven't heard about it from anyone, it's clear your presence is not requested.

Don't forget that we will be doubling up games this upcoming Sunday...games have been rescheduled due to Bay to Breakers.

Predictions for this Sunday
1. A Muni driver will drop off another unconscious-bleeding-from-the-head Vertigo player at SF General for stitches
2. Nikhil of the SF Ninjas will show everyone, once again, what it really means to be drunk
3. Your historian will be mistaken for someone's incredibly handsome ex-boyfriend (Ricky!)
4. People will be practicing the razzmatazz flip-cup tricks showed to us by the WAKA rep last week
5. Interest in our league will keep growing, and more park rangers will show up to watch the games

Now onto the recaps. Some say that captains who send these in never have morning breath, and that their genitals taste like wild berries...

Sleazy
Well, we lost again. BUT, Sleazy is proving themselves to be the league flip-cup champs, crushing any team who has the courage to challenge us. By our count we've only lost one match this season...so at least we have that going for us. Just remember after we beat you at the flip-cup table to exit orderly in a single file line and notify the next team they need to buy some more pitchers.

Stepdads
After the regularly scheduled flash point in our seasons long Cold War the Stepdads remain victorious over the Russians. Being the only relevent rivalry in Vertigo Russians v. Stepdads always makes for a good game. Sleazy and Morningwood have been relegated to the dumpsters of history. Watching them play each other is like watching the French try to fight each other over who gets the last drop of wine. Anyway, the Stepdads came out and did what had to be done. The Russians tried to be a little bit crafty and changed up their normally predictable starting kicker, but it made no difference. The quick thinking and adaptive Stepdads put down their Mickey's and reached for the belt with the biggest buckle. Collective defense and limited cycles through the Russians lineup were the keys to success. The Stepdads also benefited from very good kicking against a Russian pitcher who must be hitting the gym since he is starting to resemble Drago from Rocky. For now, the multitudes can rest until this Cold War heats up again in the tournament. Hopefully the Russians will end up in the lower half of this seasons bracket and won't have to have a Stepdad's boot on their neck until the final game. That is if they can pull themselves together before then.

This Sunday the Stepdads play a bunch of upstart Pitches who have no respect for institutions and overestimate just how "decrepit" the establishment is. I hope they bring there notebooks because they are going to have a clinic run on them. Call us the bus drivers, because we're taking the Pitches to school.

Ninjas
Ladies and Gentlemen, first things first…Boom goes the dynamite!!!! Liz scored on Sunday.

So the Ninjas faced off against the Pitchy Pitches of “Where My Pitches At?”, they were clad in Pepto Bismol pink while we donned astonishingly amazing superhero costumes. I didn’t realize so many of our teammates readily had capes available! Special props to Sierra and Liz for rocking those superhero costumes like it’s your job.

Despite a great effort, one of our less seasoned ninjas had a few slips which contributed to a rough first inning and 4-0 hole. In an effort to shed our “Team Struggle” status we came back with some great defensive plays. In offensive play news, we had issues, base running issues to be exact. Like a sixth grader at their very first boy/girl dance we had trouble getting to first base and then getting past first base. Next time kids remember to play kickball like you lived your freshman year of college… get to home base, its all or nothing folks. I do have to give a special mention to the incredible Hector for his nimble play at third base. Hector impressively managed to dodge the ball and make it home from third base despite repeated efforts to tag him out. Way to use those Ninja skills!

Oh also Ninjas, what do you say we pool out money together and hire Patches O'Houlihan for the next game? It worked for the Pitches.
So after the post game huddle we see a 6 foot 6 vision in Irish Green lunging toward us, who could that be? Oh yes, it was our very own Blanche (Andrew). Yes, Blanche (Andrew) you missed the game, the ENTIRE game. What time did the game start Blanche (Andrew)? Noon. Did you read the email that our kind Captain Erin sent out days earlier Blanche (Andrew)? Nope. Will you be taking poop from the rest of your team for that for the rest of the season? Yes.
In other worldly news, we beat Sleazy in Flip Cup! Yeah, that is what you get for crashing our BBQ the week before! I am guessing this flip cup win was led by Nikhil. That man loves flip cup, in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if he was our sole flip cup player. Thanks for another great week team, can’t wait to see you at Little Rec!"

White Russians at Recess
I think we'll be reporting Hanley "The Main-ish Stepdad" to child protective services after the beating we took from 20 or so Stepdads. Watch out for those "Stepdads" (They really all just have severe real daddy issues) at the Pajama Jam, they might get excited about onesies and pigtails and we will have encouraged early onset pedophilia. Maybe we'll scare some turtles into their shells this upcoming week. I'd like to. Turtle soup anyone?



And now we have one more recap for last week that came down the pipes a little late...

Ninjas
I do have to say that I do enjoy devouring a good White Russian before the sunsets, and that fellow WAKA-ers is exactly what the Ninjas did. The Ninjas summoned their inner SoCal frat boy during striped socks and headband week. Some of us rock this look with a little too much ease…
Maybe it was Liz’s fanny pack that acted as our good luck charm or maybe it was our stellar offensive skills that helped us get the win. We were able to score three glorious runs against the fastest man to ever play kickball catcher (Kendal). On the defensive end, Enrique stepped up and did a great job pitching since Rue McClanahan (Blanche from the Golden Girls for all you not up on your Lifetime reruns) aka Andrew couldn’t pitch due to hip pain. The rest of us Ninjas need help catching and hanging onto the ball. Others of us (aka Me, Vanessa) need to work on not quivering in fear when they see a pop fly come their way in the outfield.
Feeling pretty triumphant after our win we took off towards Martin Mack’s for some spirited Flip Cup playing. I must say we are definitely getting better at this, even our weakest link has made bounds of improvement. This was a special week for the Ninjas as we had our first BBQ at a gorgeous house in Cole Valley. Our low key afternoon was rocked by the arrival of party crashers that we all know… Sleazy Bandeezy and Morningwood. All in all it was a great day to be a NINJA!

Week 4

Week 4 is in the books, and this marks the sort-of-kind-of halfway point in the season. And what does that mean? Mid-season party time. As you may have read on Facebook or the post below, the theme will be Pajama Party, so dust of your onesies and rabbit slippers and show up for some awesome drink specials and fun.

Predictions for this Sunday
1. Even with the new box fan, the back room at Martin Mack's will be hotter and smellier than the factory that made the shoes you wear to kickball
2. Sleazy and Morningwood will play another best-out-of-30 flip-cup game while waiting for the other teams to show up
3. Someone will dress like they are sponsored by Adidas
4. Your historian will get drunk playing flip-cup. Really drunk. Cooter Brown drunk.

Now onto the recaps. Thanks for sending these in captains, it makes all of this hard work feel justified...

Stepdads
The Stepdads decided it was a good day for Turtle Soup and then they had some. The Turtles put up an inspired fight, led by their pitcher who may or may not hate everyone. We didn't let that phase us though. With good, strategic ball kicking and great defense from the whole team, we only let two runs score. Mostly though, our heads were already focusing on the Russians the following Sunday. The blood feud that rivals the Hatfields and McCoys will take center stage as the Stepdads, once again, put the beatdown on some drunk, commie Russians that still think they're at recess. The Russians will tremble when the Stepdads come out onto the field and live up to our abusive, alcoholic name. WE WILL BURY THEM!!

Morningwood
Well it was a beautiful day out there this past Sunday and it was time for another round of the longest running grudge match in Vertigo. Once again Morningwood was set to take on its arch nemesis Sleazy Bandeezy. Things started out tight with some solid defense on both sides of the ball. Eventually though Morningwood was able to put across 4 runs in the third which along with solid pitching from this week's MVP Kenny was more than enough to earn the victory. We are itching to get back out there keep the win streak growing with a match against the new Kicktators

White Russians at Recess
SF Ninjas played a good game. Pretty un-happy about losing, but we had some really great catches from Alex M. and Elizabeth B. and myself (it had spin on it!!) -- it was a beautiful day for kickball, and we had fun drinking champagne and 40s later that day at Dolores. We'll be ready in the tournament Ninjas, just you wait. Stepdads, don't think we've lost our touch--we're still coming after you! WOOT!

Where My Pitches At?
Well the Pitches are new to the league, and the first time they met each other/played kickball they tied the lowly Turtles. After that joke of a game, the Pitches forgot they were in the league. They summarily tied again the next week. The following week, after figuring out the exact right amount of booze to drink before the game, the Pitches took down Big Blue 4-3, in a game that shouldn't have been that close. Really liking that score, they decided to let [whoever we played last week] think they had a chance, and won 4-3 again. So just to recap: the Pitches, who know nothing about this sport and were maligned at the first game as "wanna be frat boys", who would rather slap their own mothers than see a guy bunt, who straight requested the pink shirts, are now undefeated and threatening the washed up, faded hierarchy that seems to be gripping this league. Viva la revolucion. Viva la pink.

Sleazy
Sleazybandeazy was ready for a little Morningwood action and we came ready to rock. We played an awesome game that was tied 0-0 until the 4th inning where Morningwood had scored 4 runs due to a couple errors on our part, but we didn't let that bring us down as we got ready for the real reason we all come - flip cup. As usual Sleazy owned the table showing Morningwood that just because one of their players has a killer kick, they really aren't that great.

We look forward to some revenge in playoffs.

Pajama Party

Get ready for CA Vertigo's Pajama Jam midseason party!!

Bust out your onsie, footsie, or whatever babydoll you sleep in and get ready to rock! The only rule: You have to legit be able to sleep in whatever you wear, so please no handcuffs, feather boas, or leather whips ;)


DETAILS:
Saturday, May 8th 8pm
Ireland's 32 on Geary


WRISTBANDS:
CA VERTIGO people are free!
Friends are $5 ... proceeds go to our end of season party and our charity!!
If you are lame and don't dress up, the doorman can charge you $5 so dress up! :)


Flip cup tables will be open downstairs from 8-9:30
We have a band around 9ish/10ish
We have the upstairs VIP lounge for dancing and hanging out (no flip cup or PBR upstairs)


DRINK SPECIALS:
$3 pints of Pyramid
$12 pitchers of Bud Light
$4 Harlem shots
$4 Vodka Sprite/soda/tonic
Top shelf tequila shot TBA


View Invite on Facebook

Week 3

No, I didn't make a mistake here. Week 2 games didn't happen due to the torrential rain, those games will either be made up by doubling up on a Sunday or possibly getting a permit for another Sunday.

Anyway, the awesome weather this Sunday made up for the shitty weather last week. This weekend the weather experts are calling for another great day, but what do they know. Make sure to bring that sunscreen people.

Predictions for this Sunday
1. A waitress at Martin Mack's will walk around with a plate of nachos asking every male if he is "Kevin"
2. Sleazy will bring wigs and stuffed sport bras in case no girls show up again
3. A new breed of turtle will be discovered that takes things a little too seriously, Terrapene Pitchus
4. The Kicktators might get their shirts
5. The SF Parks Department babysitter will see how awesome we are and ask when fall registration opens up

Now onto the recaps...or what was sent in. Captains, get on this! Your players come up to be after the game and ask, "Oh gracious historian, why did you not post my captain's witty and clever recap? I assume it highlighted my contributions to the team, on the field and at the bar." I didn't post it because your captain isn't witty or clever...and clearly doesn't care about you.

Stepdads
This week the Stepdads took on the bad ship Sleazy. Unfortunately, the captain of sleaze managed to scare all the girls off by the third game of the season and none showed up leading to a forfeit. We would have liked to have played Sleazy in a real game, but we locked it down in the scrimmage anyway. Good job to Johnny in center field who caught at least 56,468,743,687 fly balls. Jen made some good plays at second and the rest of the team played well also. The rust is finally starting to come off and we are becoming the Stepdads that everyone feared as a small child. While we lost at flip-cup, I'm ok with it. We have decided to take a break this season and play only select exhibition flip-cup games.

As a forecast for this weekend's game, look for the Stepdads to make some fresh turtle soup. And, if we're lucky, Ron will actually hang out with us and come to the bar. I wouldn't hold your breath though.


Sleazy
We had a Sunday Sausage Party this week, and due to that we had to forfeit the game. Who knows what kept the girls at home...maybe it was the excitement over the Sex and the City 2 trailer. Anyway, we borrowed some Pitches and played, putting another coat of color on our farmer tans in the glorious sun.

While we were humbled on the field, Sleazy came through and once again decimated our opponents at the flip-cup table, undefeated after challenging 4 teams. That rose both our spirits and blood-alcohol-content.

Sloshball!

Game recap - Team A beat Team B. By a large amount of points. We weren't keeping track really.

This Sunday about 60 off-duty Vertigoers and friends descended upon the field with beers in hand and the official kickball shirts at home. It was a gorgeous day, the sun intensifying the buzzes everyone showed up with...aren't we lucky to live in a city with multiple establishments serving bottomless mimosas?

We played until the beer ran out, then sat around while volunteers grabbed more. The children at the playground were sufficiently corrupted. I imagine they will be sneaking alcohol into their gym class today and talking high shit to their opponents. Parents shed a tear, remembering the past when they could blow off a day to drink and hang out in a field, before Timmy and his play-dates came along.

Sloshball rules were strictly enforced. No bunting, beer in hand at all times. Yours truly wiped out and had to shotgun a beer at second. I didn't care, the alcohol numbed the pain on my freshly bruised knee. We aren't as resilient as we used to be.

Mallory's dog was on the field quite a bit, but she got a pass due to the lack of opposable thumbs.

After about four hours on the field, with the sun starting to cast longer shadows, we headed to the bar for some flip-cup. As with the game, everyone was a winner. We left into the sunset trying to find taxis willing to risk taking us home.

After sleeping for 15 hours, I awoke to realize how much easier Mondays would be if we played on Saturday. Oh well. See you all next Sunday.

Week 1

Week 1 is over, and if there is anything to be said for this season it's that we know how to drink every last drop of cheap beer at a sponsor bar. While we had to revert back to buckets of (heavily discounted) bottles, I see this as a sign that more people are coming to the bar after the game. Awesome! It's a great way to get to know your teammates, rivals, and get a speech from your doctor regarding your drinking problem.

This upcoming weekend is a bye week due to the non-denominational spring season celebration, but there should be a sloshball game on Saturday. It's like our usual kickball experience, except unofficial, mixed-up teams, no bunting, and 100% more on-field beer involved. Ask your captain to fill you in on the details.

And now, onto the recaps...

Stepdads
The Stepdads showed up ready to rock and roll and demonstrate our master karate kicking on some Ninjas. The Ninjas proved to be very talented, although without the cover of darkness, they were eventually brought to their knees. Kudos to Clara, who, as usual, locked it down in right field. And the return of Jesse, after going on a quest to find his balls last season, to his position behind the plate was most welcome. The Stepdads need to get some kinks ironed out but we’ll get there. We’ll show up in two weeks ready to beat on some “Kicktainters.”

Sleazy Bandeezy
Sleazy showed up ready for action as usual. But then the game got started at it turns out Where My Pitches At? had 99 Problems and our pitching was one, since several of their players swung and missed. Sleazy took the early lead scoring 3 runs in the first inning. Things went bad for us in the 3rd inning, when we discovered the "Pitches" are secretly professional dodge ball players as they dodged several of our attempts to hit them with the ball. This resulted in them scoring some points to tie up the game. Luckily for us Erica on our team is also a professional dodge ball player and dodged a throw from 2 feet away and managed to make it to 1st base. We ended up tying the game 4 to 4. At the bar though, Sleazy asserted their drinking dominance over the Pitches, crushing them with our flip-cup skills.

White Russians
Big Blue? Maybe more like Big Blue Balls Disappointment after thinking they could take on some White Russians. They thought they could take the lead at the top the 5th, but they struck out faster than a 48 year old bachelor with a lazy eye and bucked teeth. I'm only barely certain if that metaphor works, but it sounds weird/good. Thanks for the win--next time, when y'all actually want to play, let us know. White Russians UNDEFEATED!

Morningwood
Well…..that wasn't the best performance Morningwood has ever put on. In fact, I think we may have still been hung over from running the flip-cup tables the week before. Hat's off to the Turtle's pitcher though who kept things just about unkickable and earned a shutout. We will get our revenge in 2 weeks against the White Russians!

SF Ninjas
Sorry I (Erin) am the stand in blog writer for this week since our regular decided to hurt herself on a solo ninja raid and could not make it out this past week. She has received a stern lecture about her priorities and will be joining us for the rest of the games. (You know who you are!)

Unfortunately, we did not keep our beginner's luck from our preseason game into week 1. We played the Stepdads, led by Hanley, one of the most seasoned teams in our Vertigo Kickball league. They are definitely in touch with their inner-elementary-school-selves! This week's theme for the Ninjas was facial hair, either grow your own or buy some. Although this may have intimidated some of the Stepdads, it certainly caught the interest of the Park Rangers and some concerned parents about the high amount of "unaccompanied" adults with creepy mustaches by the playground. This week was the first week that we were able to meet a majority of our Nomads, including Andrew who showed up just in time to kick. What timing that guy has!!! Our game was exciting with a defense led by Marta and her amazing catching skills on first base, and Enrique and his first TRUE strike out of the year. (Not fouling out...striking out!) But we could not have done it on our own! Pretty Dan, in true prettyboy form, did not break a sweat walking to first base (Thanks Hanley!), but eventually made it home, giving the Ninjas our first run of the official season. We ended up losing a tough battle 2 to 1...but enough about Kickball...on to our real sport...drinking.

Let me just say that I might have to instate a new Ninja rule as team captain...you must show up to kickball to participate in flipcup. I only say this because Jen, Ryan, Hector, and Spaghetti Straps (I will explain later) were not able to make our game due to some random marathon in Oakland (I thought they only dodge bullets in Oakland) blocking every freeway entrance to The City. They were able to make it just in time for flipcup...I see where their priorities are and I like it! We were able to dominate the table with our Asian endcaps. After all, we're an Asian invasion with 5 1/2 Caucasians! We beat Sleazy Bandeezy twice and Morningwood once. However, I must call out a few members of my team. Stephen, you were not nearly as bad as everyone said. You have redeemed yourself for now, but don't suck later. Ryan, you were the most inconsistent at flipcup after you were talked up. Practice! And speaking of practice, thank you Enrique for doing some.

Looking forward to the next time, when we’ll be coming from the shore ready to beat Sleazy Bandeezy and dominate the flipcup table…again



We Like Turtles
We don't understand why you like turtles so much because you don't send in recaps.

Big Blue
Recaps are an excellent way to explain what is big and blue

Where My Pitches At
People have been cracking wise about your mothers. Defend yourselves in a recap.

Week 0

Welcome everyone to the Vertigo Spring 2010 season! You can certainly tell it's been a while since the last kickball season by the amount of complaints regarding sore muscles on facebook Monday. Remember to stretch people!

To all the new players, I hope you had a great day of kickball and flip-cup. There's a lot to look forward to in the upcoming season...more kickball, parties, flip-cup, blackouts, waking up hungover at 9:30pm on a Sunday night, and most likely at some point embarrassing yourself.

Remember to show up on time people, every time you forfeit (or masturbate), god kills a kitten. Captains, you are responsible for your team showing up on time (or preferably a little early). Make sure you team shows up on time by sending out a reminder email each week!

Ancient blogs written by our kickball forefathers list the do's and don't of kickball. I hereby pass them on to you, so you may take them, have a great season, and pass the knowledge on to the next generation of players/borderline-alcoholics...

DO: Show up on time to games.
Rolling in late ain't cool homeslice, if your team doesn't have its whole posse by 15 minutes after the official game time you all forfeit.
DON'T: Forget to wake me up before you go, go...
Let your Captains know ahead of time if you're gonna be MIA or showing up late. At least that way they can figure out how to manage the team that will be on the field that weekend.
DO: Drink before or after the games.
Because why would you want to waste a perfectly good Sunday being sober!?
DON'T: Drink during the game!
Seriously...we like this field and want to continue playing on it
DO: Come out for our Bar Crawls, Parties, and Happy Hours!
Keep your eyes peeled for some awesome social opportunities coming your way this season (care of our social chairs, Alpha Bar, and awesome people in general)! Its gonna be off the heezy!
DON'T: Avoid temptations and debauchery.
Friends don't let friends play kindergarten games sober - at least hit up the sponsor bar for a drink.
DO: Say completely un-PC things at unconsciously, inappropriate volumes near and surrounded by kids in the park.
It's their parents’ fault for bringing them to GG Park on a Sunday. Now Timmy can get a leg up on his peers, at least when it comes to Sex Ed.
DON'T: Take things so seriously!
Life’s one crazy, mixed-up bag of tricks, relax, have fun and indulge in stupidity from time to time!
DO: Play flip cup at our super-awesome sponsor bar, Martin Macks!
What better way to bond with your fellow Vertigo players than by trading insults and beating 'em in flip cup (and kickball)
DON'T: Skip out on post-kickball shenanigans.
4 out of 5 doctors agree 90% of the time people have twice the fun when they lower their inhibitions (i.e. drink). You booze, YOU WIN! And the bonus is you don't even have to drink to have a good time at the bar. So join in on the fun, that's my prescription/addiction!
DO: Ridiculously awesome to slightly inappropriate things that get caught on camera.
TMZ's in the house y'all. That's right we got our own brand of paparazzi, and each week we wanna catch you at your best! So don't be shy, let your hair down and have fun. You might even get featured in the blog and reach all-star status for the whole season!
DON'T: Bail on some of the biggest events of the year!
Seriously, who does that!? What are you, anti-fun!?
DO: Read, submit to and comment on the blogs!
I do this for you people! You complete me. You... Complete ME! SHOW ME THE MONEY!
DON'T: Get offended!
From time to time I will poke fun at other teams, at their expense. This is only to either motivate them to NOT forfeit their games and to prevent them from getting inflated egos. There is no pro-kickball league after all.
DO: Take public transit, or avoid driving.
There's no greater buzz kill then hunting for a parking space all day long. If you do drive, get to GG Park early, cause spots are almost non-existent near the field. Your best bet is to bus, tram, trolley, bike, beg, barter or crawl to the field.
DON'T: Drink and drive!
Someone will and can drive you home, get you a cab, or let you sleep on their floor. Do yourself a favor, avoid endangering yourself and others! I'm effing serious!
DO: Shower me with gifts!
Because bribery pays people! You want your name in lights, and I want free food... Make me an offer.
DON'T: Expect me to come to your every beck and call.
There's only one of me to go around ladies... I will try to help you out with stuff whenever I can though.
DO: Show some love to our league officers and board members!
These are the people that make it happen
DON'T: Argue with the refs!
We've got some rocking referees and umpires this season. Whatever they see and say on the field goes amigos! RESPECT THEIR AUTHORITEEEEHH!
DO: Attempt to reach all-star status this season!
Wait, you don't know what all-star status is? Well, next week I'll regale you with some tales of fellow all-stars, so that you'll know, if and when you are one in the future (or currently)!
DON'T: Take yourself or the game too seriously!
Okay I sort of mention this twice, its because its pretty important (not as important as getting home in one piece however)... Nonetheless if you act like a jackass nobody will like you. So have fun, get some smack talk in there, but keep your cool daddy-o!

Anyway, onto the recaps. Captains, remember to send these in! Not only does it give you a chance to give kudos to your players and talk trash to your opponents, but we're also pretty certain it makes you slightly more attractive.

SF Ninjas
Being a new team, SF Ninjas’ expectations on Sunday were about as low as basements and momma jokes. Only our pitcher, Enrique, had previous WAKA kickball experience. The rest of us had to recall rules and stellar techniques from elementary school when kickball was king. Only 9 of the SF Ninjas were able to make the game, due to an unavoidable ninja assassin raid that held up half the team. We were paired against Sleazy Bandeezy, who will probably take home a season consolation prize for Flip-Cup Mastery.

Once the game started, SF Ninjas realized we’re good. Really good. One of our breakout stars, Shoeless Dan, tried to make a fashionable debut in penny-loafers. When he realized that Kickball required running and kicking, he opted to play barefoot. Shoeless Dan exhibited advanced Ninja skills by silently gliding across the grass in his bare feet catching at least two dozen line drives and pop flies. Shoeless Dan has subsequently been dubbed “Pretty Dan” in an attempt to discourage future shoelessness.

Despite meeting for the first time Sunday, SF Ninjas quickly bonded on the field and exhibited excellent teamwork. Our teamwork was undoubtedly influenced by the SF Ninjas’ theme for the day, “7 Minutes in Heaven,” in honor of high school when you had to get past the first-meet awkwardness and get the job done when it was your turn to make out with a stranger in a closet.

After a comfortable win, the SF Ninjas headed to Martin Mack’s to get humbled at Flip-Cup. Although poised to nab the Vertigo Championship, we will struggle throughout the season to improve flippery skills as several of our kickball champions inch closer to the unfortunate Flip-Cup title of “Stop Sign” (you know who you are).

Stepdads

The Stepdads came out looking to start their season off with a bang (or a belt crack). We played Big Blue in what was a close game until the final inning which was when the Stepdads decided it was time to lock the kid in the basement and start to assert some authority. For a new team, Big Blue showed potential to be a formidable opponent after they get some experience under their belt. The Stepdads have some new members in Liane Ware, Alex Catani, Dayna Dumont and Kaja Odegard who all show promise after we whip them into shape.

Jen Lawrence made some solid catches at second base and the Stepdads' outfield locked it down, letting nothing get by them. Doug Harrington exhibited his patented "crazy legs" base running by stretching a close double into a triple. All in all, it was a good performance. I look for the new members to fill into their roles nicely and our chemistry to be rock solid. I would also like to give a shoutout to a Stepdad in spirit who is moving to Santa Monica and will be missed by our team. God speed, Martin. May many stepchildren fall to the back of your hand.

Sleazy Bandeezy
Sleazy kicked off the season with a mostly new roster of players eager to develop their kickball skills and destroy their livers playing flip cup. We had a great game against the SF Ninjas, almost closing the gap in the fourth inning with three runs, but in the end the victory went to the Ninjas. Meh, this game didn't count anyway.

After the game the team bonded at the bar and destroyed our competition on the flip-cup table. Drinking MVP goes to Osama Awawdeh, who fearlessly accepted (or proposed...I can't remember who started it, I was quite drunk) the challenge of 3/4-full flip-cup...it would have been full-cup flip-cup, but those buckets cost $24 bucks for fuck's sake.

Picture Time

Hey everyone, if you have any pictures you'd like to share here, upload them to flickr and tag them as cavertigo. If you do that, they will automatically show up on the sidebar widget.