Pajama Party/Week 6

Well, week 6 has gone to the store for cigarettes and isn't coming back. Prior to the Sunday fun, Vertigo had its mid-season party at Ireland's 32. If you weren't there you truly missed out! Here are just a couple things that went down...

• Mating dances fueled by drink specials
• Confused old men wandering upstairs wondering why everyone was in flannel pants
• A public-access version of Pants-Off-Dance-Off
• People strongly urging some of the previously mentioned people to put them back on
• The opportunity to see many Vertigoers give their best Elaine Benes impression after having a couple shots of Harlem...whatever the hell that stuff was

In my illustrious 1.5 seasons of playing kickball, this was the best party thrown yet. Everyone should make sure to thank Hanley, Allie, and Jen for setting this up!

Reminder to everyone - we will not be having games this week because of Bay 2 Breakers...for obvious reasons. Most of us will be blacked out drunk by the time the games would start anyway, right? I hope so.

Vertigo FunFact™: Did you know that buzz-killing doctors define binge drinking as 5 drinks for a guy, 4 drinks for a gal? In kickball we call that a warm up.

Predictions for the next two Sundays

1. Someone will forget games are postponed this week, and show up to the field painted in gold wearing a matching speedo, cross-eyed drunk and ready to play
2. Some asshole will forget that this is not a full contact sport
3. Paula of Morningwood will be given the nickname St. Paula Girl, and will find a way to bring even more beer up to the tables
4. Your historian will hear another drunken Irish guy cockily ask someone on the street "Do you speak English?!". Drunken Irish guy: Do you know what irony means (video)?
5. Jenny Choi of Sleazy will burp so loud it will register on seismographs as far as Modesto, and the news will report the epicenter being Martin Mack's

Anyway, onto the recaps. Thank your captain for sending these in...and if your captain failed to do so ask them why they think they are better than everyone else.

Russians
What can I say, my team loves their moms so a lot of my main players were out of town--but I think we played pretty well considering! We were in the field last playing for a tie at 2-2. There were 2 outs, bottom of the 5th, and we were about to close the deal for a TIE. Ugh. Then the Turtles went and scored on a really dumb error. Oh well--we'll bounce back. Oh, and I pwn'd Will at flip-cup--a few times. Flip-off woulda gone my way had people not been up in mah face.

Sleazy
In honor of our mothers, Sleazy started out the day like champs with some Mimosa Brunch, after drinking the place dry, we got into cabs and headed to the field ready to play.

The Game was a close one, every time it looked like someone was about to score. There would be an out. The fifth inning ended at with a score of Zero to Zero, but as the pink team was not there to start their game, we decided to keep playing. Then due to some impressive base running on the Kicktators part, they scored their first and only run, and then walked off the field. The sad thing is they didn’t give us a chance to destroy them at flip cup. But never the less sleazy showed the bar what drinking really is before stumbling to get some Escape from NY pizza.

Ninjas
The SF Ninjas turned out in their finest nighttime apparel for some fun and merriment at this year's mid-season party. Us SF Ninjas really do call attention to ourselves everywhere we go... sometimes it is because we are grown men in Furby suits and sometimes its because we drink a little too much, dance a little too hard, and party like you've blacked out at the mid-season party. Nevertheless, we always have fun and that is what kickball is all about.

Well, now that I am back to being the responsible yuppy I am, and sitting in an office that smells of rich mahogany I will compose a respectable recap that highlights the true tenacity of the SF Ninjas and the admirable sportsmanship of our fine competitors. Or I can talk about what really happened. I choose the latter.

So bitches, the SF Ninjas had a rough day. Captain E's new rule is no more Pajama Jams before game days, ever. We just couldn't get a win on Sunday, totally not in line with respectable Ninja form. Maybe it is because we missed the Scarlett Mendez and the silky smooth shoulders of Spaghetti Straps or possibly we needed the magic and mystique of Liz's fanny pack, but all in all we just couldn't get it together. The SF Ninjas had 99 problems, here are a few standouts: countless outfield collisions, stunningly terrible outfield performances by the Little Girl Bear that Couldn't, bobbles in the infield, overzealous base running, and a ripped Furby suit. On the bright side, at least we still have a mathlete on our side for any Kickball issues relating to numbers and counting. You know like determining what inning we are in (cough, cough... Big Blue).

So yes Ninjas, let's just forget this weekend happened and plan on regaining our Ninja strength and annihilating Sleazy Bandeezy on June 6th! Good luck to you Sleazy, the SF Ninjas are now prime for a comeback and are going to pull out all our tricks and possibly a Ninja star or two for our last regular season victory!

Stepdads
Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Luckily the Stepdads mix Muscle Milk in with their Old English so no crown is too heavy for us. And we get the added benefit of some extra roid-rage. The Stepdads made it through Sunday’s double header with our perfect season intact despite some sluggish defensive play on our part. Luckily we have Alex Catani’s foot in our lineup. He busted it open in our first game, against the Pitches, by crushing a home run right when we needed it. Needless to say he moved up in lineup for our second game, against Morningwood. Apparently Morningwood forgot to take their Viagra/Cialis cocktail that morning since they showed up looking kind of flaccid. The Stepdads’ defense was still not as sharp as normal, but with some loaded offense and some errors made on the part of a team whose best days are behind them, the Stepdads prevailed yet again. Then we went home and celebrated Mother's Day with our spouses and stepchildren, by telling them twice, if you know what I mean.

Week 5

Week 5 has come by, had its way with us, and isn't calling us back. Don't forget that the Pajama Party is this Saturday night. If you still need the details and/or haven't heard about it from anyone, it's clear your presence is not requested.

Don't forget that we will be doubling up games this upcoming Sunday...games have been rescheduled due to Bay to Breakers.

Predictions for this Sunday
1. A Muni driver will drop off another unconscious-bleeding-from-the-head Vertigo player at SF General for stitches
2. Nikhil of the SF Ninjas will show everyone, once again, what it really means to be drunk
3. Your historian will be mistaken for someone's incredibly handsome ex-boyfriend (Ricky!)
4. People will be practicing the razzmatazz flip-cup tricks showed to us by the WAKA rep last week
5. Interest in our league will keep growing, and more park rangers will show up to watch the games

Now onto the recaps. Some say that captains who send these in never have morning breath, and that their genitals taste like wild berries...

Sleazy
Well, we lost again. BUT, Sleazy is proving themselves to be the league flip-cup champs, crushing any team who has the courage to challenge us. By our count we've only lost one match this season...so at least we have that going for us. Just remember after we beat you at the flip-cup table to exit orderly in a single file line and notify the next team they need to buy some more pitchers.

Stepdads
After the regularly scheduled flash point in our seasons long Cold War the Stepdads remain victorious over the Russians. Being the only relevent rivalry in Vertigo Russians v. Stepdads always makes for a good game. Sleazy and Morningwood have been relegated to the dumpsters of history. Watching them play each other is like watching the French try to fight each other over who gets the last drop of wine. Anyway, the Stepdads came out and did what had to be done. The Russians tried to be a little bit crafty and changed up their normally predictable starting kicker, but it made no difference. The quick thinking and adaptive Stepdads put down their Mickey's and reached for the belt with the biggest buckle. Collective defense and limited cycles through the Russians lineup were the keys to success. The Stepdads also benefited from very good kicking against a Russian pitcher who must be hitting the gym since he is starting to resemble Drago from Rocky. For now, the multitudes can rest until this Cold War heats up again in the tournament. Hopefully the Russians will end up in the lower half of this seasons bracket and won't have to have a Stepdad's boot on their neck until the final game. That is if they can pull themselves together before then.

This Sunday the Stepdads play a bunch of upstart Pitches who have no respect for institutions and overestimate just how "decrepit" the establishment is. I hope they bring there notebooks because they are going to have a clinic run on them. Call us the bus drivers, because we're taking the Pitches to school.

Ninjas
Ladies and Gentlemen, first things first…Boom goes the dynamite!!!! Liz scored on Sunday.

So the Ninjas faced off against the Pitchy Pitches of “Where My Pitches At?”, they were clad in Pepto Bismol pink while we donned astonishingly amazing superhero costumes. I didn’t realize so many of our teammates readily had capes available! Special props to Sierra and Liz for rocking those superhero costumes like it’s your job.

Despite a great effort, one of our less seasoned ninjas had a few slips which contributed to a rough first inning and 4-0 hole. In an effort to shed our “Team Struggle” status we came back with some great defensive plays. In offensive play news, we had issues, base running issues to be exact. Like a sixth grader at their very first boy/girl dance we had trouble getting to first base and then getting past first base. Next time kids remember to play kickball like you lived your freshman year of college… get to home base, its all or nothing folks. I do have to give a special mention to the incredible Hector for his nimble play at third base. Hector impressively managed to dodge the ball and make it home from third base despite repeated efforts to tag him out. Way to use those Ninja skills!

Oh also Ninjas, what do you say we pool out money together and hire Patches O'Houlihan for the next game? It worked for the Pitches.
So after the post game huddle we see a 6 foot 6 vision in Irish Green lunging toward us, who could that be? Oh yes, it was our very own Blanche (Andrew). Yes, Blanche (Andrew) you missed the game, the ENTIRE game. What time did the game start Blanche (Andrew)? Noon. Did you read the email that our kind Captain Erin sent out days earlier Blanche (Andrew)? Nope. Will you be taking poop from the rest of your team for that for the rest of the season? Yes.
In other worldly news, we beat Sleazy in Flip Cup! Yeah, that is what you get for crashing our BBQ the week before! I am guessing this flip cup win was led by Nikhil. That man loves flip cup, in fact I wouldn’t be surprised if he was our sole flip cup player. Thanks for another great week team, can’t wait to see you at Little Rec!"

White Russians at Recess
I think we'll be reporting Hanley "The Main-ish Stepdad" to child protective services after the beating we took from 20 or so Stepdads. Watch out for those "Stepdads" (They really all just have severe real daddy issues) at the Pajama Jam, they might get excited about onesies and pigtails and we will have encouraged early onset pedophilia. Maybe we'll scare some turtles into their shells this upcoming week. I'd like to. Turtle soup anyone?



And now we have one more recap for last week that came down the pipes a little late...

Ninjas
I do have to say that I do enjoy devouring a good White Russian before the sunsets, and that fellow WAKA-ers is exactly what the Ninjas did. The Ninjas summoned their inner SoCal frat boy during striped socks and headband week. Some of us rock this look with a little too much ease…
Maybe it was Liz’s fanny pack that acted as our good luck charm or maybe it was our stellar offensive skills that helped us get the win. We were able to score three glorious runs against the fastest man to ever play kickball catcher (Kendal). On the defensive end, Enrique stepped up and did a great job pitching since Rue McClanahan (Blanche from the Golden Girls for all you not up on your Lifetime reruns) aka Andrew couldn’t pitch due to hip pain. The rest of us Ninjas need help catching and hanging onto the ball. Others of us (aka Me, Vanessa) need to work on not quivering in fear when they see a pop fly come their way in the outfield.
Feeling pretty triumphant after our win we took off towards Martin Mack’s for some spirited Flip Cup playing. I must say we are definitely getting better at this, even our weakest link has made bounds of improvement. This was a special week for the Ninjas as we had our first BBQ at a gorgeous house in Cole Valley. Our low key afternoon was rocked by the arrival of party crashers that we all know… Sleazy Bandeezy and Morningwood. All in all it was a great day to be a NINJA!