Week 1

"The start of another season of CA Vertigo kickball always kind of reminds me of the start of a new school year at Hogwarts."
-Marcus from Morningwood

Welcome back everyone! Week 1 is in the books, and we couldn't have had a more gorgeous day to kick-off (get it?) the new season of CA Vertigo kickball! From beginning to end all I saw was smiles and laughs from everyone, so here's looking forward to another great season.

Anyway, let's take a moment crack an egg of knowledge over the heads of new players and remind the veterans of the DO'S and DON'TS of kickball...

DO: Show up on time to games.
Rolling in late ain't cool homeslice, if your team doesn't have its whole posse by 15 minutes after the official game time you all forfeit.
DON'T: Forget to wake me up before you go, go...
Let your Captains know ahead of time if you're gonna be MIA or showing up late. At least that way they can figure out how to manage the team that will be on the field that weekend.
DO: Drink before or after the games.
Because why would you want to waste a perfectly good Sunday being sober!?
DON'T: Drink during the game!
Seriously...we like this field and want to continue playing on it
DO: Come out for our Bar Crawls, Parties, and Happy Hours!
Keep your eyes peeled for some awesome social opportunities coming your way this season (care of our social chairs, AlphaBar, and awesome people in general)! Its gonna be off the heezy!
DON'T: Avoid temptations and debauchery.
Friends don't let friends play kindergarten games sober - at least hit up the sponsor bar for a drink.
DO: Say completely un-PC things at unconsciously, inappropriate volumes near and surrounded by kids in the park.
It's their parents’ fault for bringing them to GG Park on a Sunday. Now Timmy can get a leg up on his peers, at least when it comes to Sex Ed.
DON'T: Take things so seriously!
Life’s one crazy, mixed-up bag of tricks, relax, have fun and indulge in stupidity from time to time!
DO: Play flip cup at our super-awesome sponsor bar, Martin Macks!
What better way to bond with your fellow Vertigo players than by trading insults and beating 'em in flip cup (and kickball)
DON'T: Skip out on post-kickball shenanigans.
4 out of 5 doctors agree 90% of the time people have twice the fun when they lower their inhibitions (i.e. drink). You booze, YOU WIN! And the bonus is you don't even have to drink to have a good time at the bar. So join in on the fun, that's my prescription/addiction!
DO: Ridiculously awesome to slightly inappropriate things that get caught on camera.
TMZ's in the house y'all. That's right we got our own brand of paparazzi, and each week we wanna catch you at your best! So don't be shy, let your hair down and have fun. You might even get featured in the blog and reach all-star status for the whole season!
DON'T: Bail on some of the biggest events of the year!
Seriously, who does that!? What are you, anti-fun!?
DO: Read, submit to and comment on the blogs!
I do this for you people! You complete me. You... Complete ME! SHOW ME THE MONEY!
DON'T: Get offended!
From time to time I will poke fun at other teams, at their expense. This is only to either motivate them to NOT forfeit their games and to prevent them from getting inflated egos. There is no pro-kickball league after all.
DO: Take public transit, or avoid driving.
There's no greater buzz kill then hunting for a parking space all day long. If you do drive, get to GG Park early, cause spots are almost non-existent near the field. Your best bet is to bus, tram, trolley, bike, beg, barter or crawl to the field.
DON'T: Drink and drive!
Someone will and can drive you home, get you a cab, or let you sleep on their floor. Do yourself a favor, avoid endangering yourself and others! I'm effing serious!
DO: Shower me with gifts!
Because bribery pays people! You want your name in lights, and I want free food... Make me an offer.
DON'T: Expect me to come to your every beck and call.
There's only one of me to go around ladies... I will try to help you out with stuff whenever I can though.
DO: Show some love to our league rep and volunteers!
These are the people that make it happen
DON'T: Argue with the refs!
We've got some rocking referees and umpires this season. Whatever they see and say on the field goes amigos! RESPECT THEIR AUTHORITEEEEHH!
DO: Attempt to reach all-star status this season!
This can happen on the field or at the bar...or preferably both
DON'T: Take yourself or the game too seriously!
Okay I sort of mention this twice, its because its pretty important (not as important as getting home in one piece however)... Nonetheless if you act like a jackass nobody will like you. So have fun, get some smack talk in there, but keep your cool!

So that's about it people, it's really hard to screw up at kickball...just make sure you show up to the games and try your best not to be a dick.

Predictions for this Sunday

1. There will be more gopher holes than grass on field 1
2. The back room at Martin Mack's will be so well air-conditioned there'll be more erect nipples than at a Justin Bieber concert
3. Fried Kickin' will start adapting to the usual kickball lifestyle of passing out drunk at 7pm on a Sunday night
4. Doug of Morningwood will eagerly wait for another opportunity to go against 12 people in flip-cup

Anyway, onto the recaps. Thank your captain for sending these in...and players, if you don't see a recap for your team here I would ask them nicely to write one for next week, and if they fail again, I feel mutiny may be your only option.

Morningwood
Game 1 vs Stepdads
Well things got off to a bumpy start this season. With a heavily new roster there was bound to be a learning curve. All-around superstar Kenny led off the game with a hit and got to third but that was the extent of the offense Morningwood could muster. Defensively things looked better as the game remained scoreless going into the 4th inning. Unfortunately that was when the Stepdads got on the board and it proved to be enough as they cruised to victory. Apparently that victory wasn't motivation enough though as they refused to take part in the flipcup challenge and instead forfeited.

Game 2 vs Ninjas
This one got off to a much better start as some more speedy base running by Kenny and a timely sacrifice by Paula got Morningwood off to a 1-0 lead and eventually built a 4-1 lead. Unfortunately the 5th inning proved to be a bit of trouble and the Ninjas fought back to earn the tie. This was followed by the cowardly move of issuing the flip cup challenge before Morningwood's captain even made it to the bar. Vengeance will be had for this!

Fried Kickin'
The team of first-years, Fried Kickin’, put some spit in the grease fire to shake-and-bake things up a bit in their season-opener against the Ninjas. True, the score was 6-1 Ninjas, but with bases loaded more than once and a double- (we’ll call it what it really was: an ALMOST triple-!!) play, these baby chicks were h-o-t HOT and anything but yellow! FK showed some promising flip skills at M&M’s too and were generous enough to team hop when players were needed elsewhere. You’re welcome. Being captained by veteran kick-baller and Waka rep Allie D., Fried Kickin’ won’t take long to get in the groove. So be prepared if we are to face each other again, Ninjas…Fried Kickin’ will be ready to make some Kung Fu chicken!

Sleazy
Sleazy returned this season with a roster packed with seasoned veterans and thick-skinned ladies (metaphorically, their actual skin is quite soft and well moisturized). After a month or two of off-season strategy planning forged at the many Sleazy pub crawls, we were able to pull off our first legitimate win in a very long time. Could it be a fluke? Maybe. Could it be the rebirth of a dynasty? We certainly hope so. Either way, Sleazy scored a run in the first inning and held down the Pitches, never giving them a chance to make it around the diamond far enough to utilize the advice/screaming of their third-base coach. After the game, Sleazy walked with a skip in their step over to Martin Mack's, where we celebrated the victory by systematically decimating every opponent on the flip-cup table, not stopping the rampage until 9pm when decided to leave some of the booze at Martin Mack's and the Golden Cane for other patrons to drink. It ain't easy being sleazy, but it's damn fun!