- Mating dances fueled by drink specials
- Confused old men wandering upstairs wondering why everyone was in flannel pants
- A public-access version of Pants-Off-Dance-Off
- People strongly urging some of the previously mentioned people to put them back on
- The opportunity to see many Vertigoers give their best Elaine Benes impression after having a couple shots of Harlem...whatever the hell that stuff was
Reminder to everyone - we will not be having games this week because of Bay 2 Breakers...for obvious reasons. Most of us will be blacked out drunk by the time the games would start anyway, right? I hope so.
Vertigo FunFact™: Did you know that buzz-killing doctors define binge drinking as 5 drinks for a guy, 4 drinks for a gal? In kickball we call that a warm up.
Predictions for the next two Sundays
- Someone will forget games are postponed this week, and show up to the field painted in gold wearing a matching speedo, cross-eyed drunk and ready to play
- Some asshole will forget that this is not a full contact sport
- Paula of Morningwood will be given the nickname St. Paula Girl, and will find a way to bring even more beer up to the tables
- Your historian will hear another drunken Irish guy cockily ask someone on the street "Do you speak English?!". Drunken Irish guy: Do you know what irony means (video)?
- Jenny Choi of Sleazy will burp so loud it will register on seismographs as far as Modesto, and the news will report the epicenter being Martin Mack's
Anyway, onto the recaps. Thank your captain for sending these in...and if your captain failed to do so ask them why they think they are better than everyone else.
Russians
What can I say, my team loves their moms so a lot of my main players were out of town--but I think we played pretty well considering! We were in the field last playing for a tie at 2-2. There were 2 outs, bottom of the 5th, and we were about to close the deal for a TIE. Ugh. Then the Turtles went and scored on a really dumb error. Oh well--we'll bounce back. Oh, and I pwn'd Will at flip-cup--a few times. Flip-off woulda gone my way had people not been up in mah face.
Sleazy
In honor of our mothers, Sleazy started out the day like champs with some Mimosa Brunch, after drinking the place dry, we got into cabs and headed to the field ready to play.
The Game was a close one, every time it looked like someone was about to score. There would be an out. The fifth inning ended at with a score of Zero to Zero, but as the pink team was not there to start their game, we decided to keep playing. Then due to some impressive base running on the Kicktators part, they scored their first and only run, and then walked off the field. The sad thing is they didn’t give us a chance to destroy them at flip cup. But never the less sleazy showed the bar what drinking really is before stumbling to get some Escape from NY pizza.
Ninjas
The SF Ninjas turned out in their finest nighttime apparel for some fun and merriment at this year's mid-season party. Us SF Ninjas really do call attention to ourselves everywhere we go... sometimes it is because we are grown men in Furby suits and sometimes its because we drink a little too much, dance a little too hard, and party like you've blacked out at the mid-season party. Nevertheless, we always have fun and that is what kickball is all about.
Well, now that I am back to being the responsible yuppy I am, and sitting in an office that smells of rich mahogany I will compose a respectable recap that highlights the true tenacity of the SF Ninjas and the admirable sportsmanship of our fine competitors. Or I can talk about what really happened. I choose the latter.
So bitches, the SF Ninjas had a rough day. Captain E's new rule is no more Pajama Jams before game days, ever. We just couldn't get a win on Sunday, totally not in line with respectable Ninja form. Maybe it is because we missed the Scarlett Mendez and the silky smooth shoulders of Spaghetti Straps or possibly we needed the magic and mystique of Liz's fanny pack, but all in all we just couldn't get it together. The SF Ninjas had 99 problems, here are a few standouts: countless outfield collisions, stunningly terrible outfield performances by the Little Girl Bear that Couldn't, bobbles in the infield, overzealous base running, and a ripped Furby suit. On the bright side, at least we still have a mathlete on our side for any Kickball issues relating to numbers and counting. You know like determining what inning we are in (cough, cough... Big Blue).
So yes Ninjas, let's just forget this weekend happened and plan on regaining our Ninja strength and annihilating Sleazy Bandeezy on June 6th! Good luck to you Sleazy, the SF Ninjas are now prime for a comeback and are going to pull out all our tricks and possibly a Ninja star or two for our last regular season victory!
Stepdads
Heavy is the head that wears the crown. Luckily the Stepdads mix Muscle Milk in with their Old English so no crown is too heavy for us. And we get the added benefit of some extra roid-rage. The Stepdads made it through Sunday’s double header with our perfect season intact despite some sluggish defensive play on our part. Luckily we have Alex Catani’s foot in our lineup. He busted it open in our first game, against the Pitches, by crushing a home run right when we needed it. Needless to say he moved up in lineup for our second game, against Morningwood. Apparently Morningwood forgot to take their Viagra/Cialis cocktail that morning since they showed up looking kind of flaccid. The Stepdads’ defense was still not as sharp as normal, but with some loaded offense and some errors made on the part of a team whose best days are behind them, the Stepdads prevailed yet again. Then we went home and celebrated Mother's Day with our spouses and stepchildren, by telling them twice, if you know what I mean.
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