Weeks 2, 3, and 4 have come by and shown your historian that he needs to do a better job of keeping up on this (DO BETTER!!!). We are at the halfway point in our schedule, and it's proving to be another great season of CA Vertigo kickball! I've seen people make new friends and secret enemies, earn nicknames they may or may not like, and more hook-ups and bone-downs than the backseat of Tiger Woods' Buick.
We've also seen people do some serious drinking around the flip-cup table this season, and with that, I present to you the CA Vertigo Scale of Drunkeness:
0 - Anyone on the Pitches (participate!)
1 - Still slightly drunk from the night before
2 - Time to order some chicken wings or Irish nachos to prepare the stomach
3 - When people ask who bought a pitcher, you don't say anything
4 - Flip-cup gets better because the shakes are gone
5 - SCHAUGHTZ!
6 - You voluntarily buy a pitcher (you rule!)
7 - Beer goggles
8 - Nikhil drunk
9 - Reservation drunk
10 - The antithesis of Dinday'd (see Fun Fact below)
So find your comfort spot somewhere on that list and aspire to go 2 levels past it. And remember, no matter how drunk you may get, the soccer hooligans at Martin Mack's are always a little drunker than you are.
Vertigo Fun Fact™: The term "Let's get Dinday'd!" means "to behave like an civil and upstanding member of the kickball community who drinks, at most, in moderation". So remember, next time you see someone acting like a charming gentleman around the flip-cup table, tell them "Way to get Dinday'd, kind sir".
Predictions for this Sunday
1. The staff at Martin Mack's will join in on flip-cup one more time before the season is over
2. Someone will go all Bill Murray from Caddyshack and wage a war against the gophers on the field
3. The management will stop giving Jenny Sweinberg plastic cups (although I hope not!)
Sleazy
Week 3
Having just returned from a 4 day Vegas bender the previous night, Sleazy showed up with the shakes and a mild case of the DT's to take on Fried Kickin'. Still intoxicated from Vegas vibes, we developed super drunk powers which allowed our offense/lack of Fried Kickin' defense to score something like 10 runs, but our hangovers and shakes caused us to make more errors than Brian Francis on a first date, so we ended up tying. But then we did what Sleazy does best, drank way too much, and added another victory notch to our flip-cup belt.
Week 4
Sleazy arrived to the moors of Scotland/the field Sunday morning to take on the Ninjas and to our surprise Fried Kickin'. Playing with a ball that was wetter than that sexual euphemism I previously made in regards to your mother, Sleazy and the Ninja's got dirtier then 2 girls 1 cup. But even with the strategic line-up devised by Jenny Choi-Baker, the Ninjas beat us. However, we dominated again on the tables building a monument of used cups representing the victories and broken hearts that Sleazy causes in the bar. While this was going on Daniel "grandma's boy" Patten was out on the hunt looking to bring down his batting average of 72 years old. Next week sleazy will dominate against who ever steps up to play.
Fried Kickin'
Week 2
Oh, gentle Stepdads, how you love yourselves some KFC. No doubt about that last Sunday as you skipped church like you do every week (always with the same excuses of going to the game or sitting on the couch to dig out that bellybutton lint), and dragged your red-headed step-children along to live out your failed childhood dreams through them. Luckily for Fried Kickin’ we have our own ginger enforcement, but we encourage these kiddies to play by offering amazing purple uniforms and fun-flippin M&M madness rather than threatening them with belts and beatings after too many beers. It’s ok that you won’t acknowledge the flicker of fear that you felt when we put the first run against you this season with our too-hot-to-trot Kickin’ skillz. That hubris of yours is hard to hurt. But we gratefully and gracefully accepted the lessons you forced us to learn last Sunday and won’t forget them when we see you again a month from now. You’ll show up as always, ready to dive into that bucket of breaded breasts, but this time you might just choke on some chicken bones.
Stepdads
Week 3
Last Sunday, the Stepdads faced a depleted, yet very determined, Ninjas team. They played with a lot of heart, led by their pitcher. The Stepdads drew upon their seasons of experience to pull out to an early lead and maintain it for the rest of the game with the Ninjas showing their best efforts late in the game. Overall it was a good game with many strong plays. There are many accolades that can be given out to various Stepdads players so far in what is shaping up to be our third undefeated season in a row. Doug, Johnny and Brittany have shown up in good form. Jen has seen tangible benefits to her offseason training. And we have many new players that have contributed greatly – looking at you Browntown, Heather, Hailey, Craig, Lauren, and Kelly. The Stepdads are looking to continue their dominant and cohesive play throughout the season.
Drunken Irish Pirate Ninjas
Before I begin joking on Team Green of week 2, I'd like to nominate an honorable mention from another team. Known for his red shorts, red socks and kickball skills, Hanley of the Stepdads had a spectacular slide into home. Anyone who saw it would agree. Despite sliding a foot short and being called out, you gave it all you had and almost broke an ankle. Did you make it to work on Monday?
Week 2 kickball vs. the Pitches turned out to be a great game with an eclectic mix of 80's rockstar, 80's prom and Jesse's awesome cat t-shirt from his 80's childhood (count it). From the start, SF DIPN came out of the gates firing on all cylinders and put a few points on the board. Not bad considering 3 Ninjas had big balloons tied to their wrists... and a few others were wearing skirts. Final score: 8-2, Ninjas.
Here are a few noteworthy plays:
1. Celebrity guest Slash, and his incredible transition from air-guitar to deep-left-field-catch-for-an-out, ending the inning.
2. Bzura's orange tights AND her mom.
3. Our ace pitcher, Nihkil throwing heaters directly at the other team's kicker. Calm down my friend, calm down.
4. "He was all up in her junk!"
5. Rosa.
6. What adult walks through the playground with a popped collar, sunglasses, and a balloon tied to his wrist? That would be Stephen. Next time... bring candy and good intentions.
Flip cup was fun as always. There's nothing quite like the smell of coors light on the floor mixed with hot and sweaty kick ballers. Pitches, you have a raincheck.
Week 3
Hanley was super intense. He didn't throw a clipboard but he tried to discount Nikhil's awesome 3 base run because he didn't touch 2nd base which was strategically placed in a crater in the field. The ref called it good which enraged Hanley; I'm sure if he had a clipboard, it would've been thrown. And they were up by 9 runs at that point so it was a little bit of a nonsensical tantrum. He also kept grumbling every time his wild pitches were called balls. A bubbling cauldron of discontent indeed.
Overall, I think the DIPN did well against the Stepdads, considering we only had 9 players. Our first inning was a bit of a bloodbath, but we regrouped and fought well the rest of the innings. And we scored a point! We secretly pretended like we won, which was evident by our end of the game chant, "Not a shutout Stepdads!"
A brief mention of the finest moments: Jason's awesome catches and overall good-gameliness; Chelsea and Miranda’s sweet outfield catches; Daniel’s (Gary’s) unique yet successful catcher kick to first base; Daniel’s (Gary’s) total flop catcher kick to far right field.
Oh yeah, I think the final score was 10 - 1...so the mercy rule did not apply! (We looked it up during the fourth inning on someone's iPhone, just to be sure).
