To all the new players, I hope you had a great day of kickball and flip-cup. There's a lot to look forward to in the upcoming season...more kickball, parties, flip-cup, blackouts, waking up hungover at 9:30pm on a Sunday night, and most likely at some point embarrassing yourself.
Remember to show up on time people, every time you forfeit (or masturbate), god kills a kitten. Captains, you are responsible for your team showing up on time (or preferably a little early). Make sure you team shows up on time by sending out a reminder email each week!
Ancient blogs written by our kickball forefathers list the do's and don't of kickball. I hereby pass them on to you, so you may take them, have a great season, and pass the knowledge on to the next generation of players/borderline-alcoholics...
DO: Show up on time to games.
Rolling in late ain't cool homeslice, if your team doesn't have its whole posse by 15 minutes after the official game time you all forfeit.
DON'T: Forget to wake me up before you go, go...
Let your Captains know ahead of time if you're gonna be MIA or showing up late. At least that way they can figure out how to manage the team that will be on the field that weekend.
DO: Drink before or after the games.
Because why would you want to waste a perfectly good Sunday being sober!?
DON'T: Drink during the game!
Seriously...we like this field and want to continue playing on it
DO: Come out for our Bar Crawls, Parties, and Happy Hours!
Keep your eyes peeled for some awesome social opportunities coming your way this season (care of our social chairs, Alpha Bar, and awesome people in general)! Its gonna be off the heezy!
DON'T: Avoid temptations and debauchery.
Friends don't let friends play kindergarten games sober - at least hit up the sponsor bar for a drink.
DO: Say completely un-PC things at unconsciously, inappropriate volumes near and surrounded by kids in the park.
It's their parents’ fault for bringing them to GG Park on a Sunday. Now Timmy can get a leg up on his peers, at least when it comes to Sex Ed.
DON'T: Take things so seriously!
Life’s one crazy, mixed-up bag of tricks, relax, have fun and indulge in stupidity from time to time!
DO: Play flip cup at our super-awesome sponsor bar, Martin Macks!
What better way to bond with your fellow Vertigo players than by trading insults and beating 'em in flip cup (and kickball)
DON'T: Skip out on post-kickball shenanigans.
4 out of 5 doctors agree 90% of the time people have twice the fun when they lower their inhibitions (i.e. drink). You booze, YOU WIN! And the bonus is you don't even have to drink to have a good time at the bar. So join in on the fun, that's my prescription/addiction!
DO: Ridiculously awesome to slightly inappropriate things that get caught on camera.
TMZ's in the house y'all. That's right we got our own brand of paparazzi, and each week we wanna catch you at your best! So don't be shy, let your hair down and have fun. You might even get featured in the blog and reach all-star status for the whole season!
DON'T: Bail on some of the biggest events of the year!
Seriously, who does that!? What are you, anti-fun!?
DO: Read, submit to and comment on the blogs!
I do this for you people! You complete me. You... Complete ME! SHOW ME THE MONEY!
DON'T: Get offended!
From time to time I will poke fun at other teams, at their expense. This is only to either motivate them to NOT forfeit their games and to prevent them from getting inflated egos. There is no pro-kickball league after all.
DO: Take public transit, or avoid driving.
There's no greater buzz kill then hunting for a parking space all day long. If you do drive, get to GG Park early, cause spots are almost non-existent near the field. Your best bet is to bus, tram, trolley, bike, beg, barter or crawl to the field.
DON'T: Drink and drive!
Someone will and can drive you home, get you a cab, or let you sleep on their floor. Do yourself a favor, avoid endangering yourself and others! I'm effing serious!
DO: Shower me with gifts!
Because bribery pays people! You want your name in lights, and I want free food... Make me an offer.
DON'T: Expect me to come to your every beck and call.
There's only one of me to go around ladies... I will try to help you out with stuff whenever I can though.
DO: Show some love to our league officers and board members!
These are the people that make it happen
DON'T: Argue with the refs!
We've got some rocking referees and umpires this season. Whatever they see and say on the field goes amigos! RESPECT THEIR AUTHORITEEEEHH!
DO: Attempt to reach all-star status this season!
Wait, you don't know what all-star status is? Well, next week I'll regale you with some tales of fellow all-stars, so that you'll know, if and when you are one in the future (or currently)!
DON'T: Take yourself or the game too seriously!
Okay I sort of mention this twice, its because its pretty important (not as important as getting home in one piece however)... Nonetheless if you act like a jackass nobody will like you. So have fun, get some smack talk in there, but keep your cool daddy-o!
Anyway, onto the recaps. Captains, remember to send these in! Not only does it give you a chance to give kudos to your players and talk trash to your opponents, but we're also pretty certain it makes you slightly more attractive.
SF Ninjas
Being a new team, SF Ninjas’ expectations on Sunday were about as low as basements and momma jokes. Only our pitcher, Enrique, had previous WAKA kickball experience. The rest of us had to recall rules and stellar techniques from elementary school when kickball was king. Only 9 of the SF Ninjas were able to make the game, due to an unavoidable ninja assassin raid that held up half the team. We were paired against Sleazy Bandeezy, who will probably take home a season consolation prize for Flip-Cup Mastery.
Once the game started, SF Ninjas realized we’re good. Really good. One of our breakout stars, Shoeless Dan, tried to make a fashionable debut in penny-loafers. When he realized that Kickball required running and kicking, he opted to play barefoot. Shoeless Dan exhibited advanced Ninja skills by silently gliding across the grass in his bare feet catching at least two dozen line drives and pop flies. Shoeless Dan has subsequently been dubbed “Pretty Dan” in an attempt to discourage future shoelessness.
Despite meeting for the first time Sunday, SF Ninjas quickly bonded on the field and exhibited excellent teamwork. Our teamwork was undoubtedly influenced by the SF Ninjas’ theme for the day, “7 Minutes in Heaven,” in honor of high school when you had to get past the first-meet awkwardness and get the job done when it was your turn to make out with a stranger in a closet.
After a comfortable win, the SF Ninjas headed to Martin Mack’s to get humbled at Flip-Cup. Although poised to nab the Vertigo Championship, we will struggle throughout the season to improve flippery skills as several of our kickball champions inch closer to the unfortunate Flip-Cup title of “Stop Sign” (you know who you are).
Stepdads
The Stepdads came out looking to start their season off with a bang (or a belt crack). We played Big Blue in what was a close game until the final inning which was when the Stepdads decided it was time to lock the kid in the basement and start to assert some authority. For a new team, Big Blue showed potential to be a formidable opponent after they get some experience under their belt. The Stepdads have some new members in Liane Ware, Alex Catani, Dayna Dumont and Kaja Odegard who all show promise after we whip them into shape.
Jen Lawrence made some solid catches at second base and the Stepdads' outfield locked it down, letting nothing get by them. Doug Harrington exhibited his patented "crazy legs" base running by stretching a close double into a triple. All in all, it was a good performance. I look for the new members to fill into their roles nicely and our chemistry to be rock solid. I would also like to give a shoutout to a Stepdad in spirit who is moving to Santa Monica and will be missed by our team. God speed, Martin. May many stepchildren fall to the back of your hand.
Sleazy Bandeezy
Sleazy kicked off the season with a mostly new roster of players eager to develop their kickball skills and destroy their livers playing flip cup. We had a great game against the SF Ninjas, almost closing the gap in the fourth inning with three runs, but in the end the victory went to the Ninjas. Meh, this game didn't count anyway.
After the game the team bonded at the bar and destroyed our competition on the flip-cup table. Drinking MVP goes to Osama Awawdeh, who fearlessly accepted (or proposed...I can't remember who started it, I was quite drunk) the challenge of 3/4-full flip-cup...it would have been full-cup flip-cup, but those buckets cost $24 bucks for fuck's sake.
Sleazy Bandeezy
Sleazy kicked off the season with a mostly new roster of players eager to develop their kickball skills and destroy their livers playing flip cup. We had a great game against the SF Ninjas, almost closing the gap in the fourth inning with three runs, but in the end the victory went to the Ninjas. Meh, this game didn't count anyway.
After the game the team bonded at the bar and destroyed our competition on the flip-cup table. Drinking MVP goes to Osama Awawdeh, who fearlessly accepted (or proposed...I can't remember who started it, I was quite drunk) the challenge of 3/4-full flip-cup...it would have been full-cup flip-cup, but those buckets cost $24 bucks for fuck's sake.
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